D - etails

Work today was tiring! Or rather it was not so..just that the heat was unbearableee! :( It's just so balmy and scorching! But so far so good. Thank God for this internship. I really feel that I'm learning something - substantial of course, apart from the random blunders. Thank God for forgiveness and grace man. Sigh..but really got to be more D...for detailed.

Details
Determine
Destiny

Sometimes I really wonder why I always seem to face problems with the 'd' characteristics. But for the other 'd' I'm not too bothered whether I have it or not. Somehow I feel that it will naturally arise in people once they become focused and set their hearts on something they want to work on. Then again, I got to be careful not to be too hard on myself. But still...

Spirit of excellence. Work on it chew.

Shopping is liberating

That sums up my night. I'm really satisfied with my "loot". It makes me feel good. I felt a certain part of my soul is satisfied. I realize I really like shopping. But the main cause for joy comes when I finally found a pair of heels that will hurt me no more!!! Yay! Ptl! I was so afraid I couldn't find it and would have to wear something to work tomorrow which may not be allowed . Thank God for answering my prayers. No more blisters! My blisters were so bad that I had to almost limp when I walk to the office this morning :( I was seriously walking slower than an old lady. No kidding. I'm really exhilarated to have crossed paths with my miracle heels in just half an hour! And it's really perfect! :)

Battlefield of the mind

Meeting today was awesome! The presence of God was very strong and could feel the atmosphere was really fired up. Everyone was so charged up and so excited to praise and worship God. It was amazing! It really reminded me the power of praying in two or more. It really makes the difference compared to when you pray alone by yourself. Of course it is definitely essential to do our QT, just that the power of praying in group is simply awesome - the presence and the power of God just fell so easily in the place and it really facilitates you to engage faster and deeper in the spirit.

We prayed about a couple of things. But I feel that above and beyond, what really impacts me most is being renewed in the passion and possessing a breakthrough spirit. Have been feeling pretty melancholic over the past week. Troubled over certain things. A wrestle with my own will, a wrestle with God. Things I can't seem to understand. Things I hope I could look at in another perspective, not through the human eyes but through the eyes of God. Holy spirit help. I prayed. And I prayed. God spoke. In fact, through many channels at various times. But my will was stubborn. Something was happening in the spirit. Though my eyes was not open to see the truth, I could see the battle within my mind. A battlefield of the mind. There was a contest between God's will and my own. That's scary, because I can't seem to let go. I'm reluctant. But God, why must I? I don't want! It's so scary when things are uncertain. I'm just so fearful to step into something unknown. He reminded me of what I prayed. "God please change anything in me that you don't like. Uproot it from my life." Be careful of what you pray for because God is faithful to answer prayers. But hey, this is still an essential prayer man. It has been grueling. My flesh was screaming out for attention. Sometimes I just feel so weak to battle and fight against the flesh together with the stubborn and irritating voices in my head. At times so tired to even pray for strength. God give me tenacity and renew my vision. Faith tank seems to be drying up. Perseverance level is like 0.3/10. How depressing.

But God is good. He has been very very good and faithful. Even when my vision is blurred and I really don't know where I'm going, He continues to speak.

It's all about perspectives. Looking at things through God's eyes, not your own.
Walk by faith, not by sight...the just shall live by faith...
because it's all about stepping into the unknown...moving in the unknown...
seeing and believing the unknown..
Submit to God..
Resist the devil and he will flee from you..
Attitudes...relationships...
the only 2 things that you will bring to heaven..
Living your life in love...
Faith, hope and love..love is the greatest...
2 Tim 2:20-21...to be a vessel that's useful and prepared for every good work

And I learnt that passivity kills all the passion in a person. Being passive will give the devil leeway to play around with your empty mind. Always breakout of that and be bold to try something different. Quit settling with a passive mind and go for an active mind. I realized that the key is to simply stir yourself up and not succumb to any kind of compromises and the tricks the mind plays on you. We just have to keep resisting! By focusing the mind on the positive things, it takes your mind off the natural circumstances and problems. The breakthrough comes when we actually take the step to make the decision to look at things in a different perspective. What a powerful and crucial step!

Something is breaking in the spirit. Faith is once again arising. Not as stubborn to dwell in my old wineskin as before. Partially because I can't bear to wallow in my own circumstances and passivity any longer. I've been whining too long before God. Further stubbornness is only going to cost me my breakthrough. Embracing a new attitude and living life the right attitudes; loving more than I ever used to - the very things I will fix my eyes on.

Amazing grace

My parents found out. Haha. Oh wells, it's a sooner or later matter. I didn't know how to tell them. Thank God they didn't scold me, just told me to be careful next time. My mum even laughed as she described how scared she was in the car at times when I was parking the car. It was my first accident since I started driving. Thank God it wasn't so grave. Thank God it happened in the car park, not out at the roads. That would really be scary. And most importantly, thank God that I didn't have to pay. But then again, it was also pretty irresponsible of me. Then again, I really felt it was God's saving grace. At least that's what I choose to believe given that it's my first time. XX said the dent was a palm-size depression. And he saw the SUV shook. I freaked out. What should I do man! I was waiting for the driver to come knocking on my window to demand an explanation. But amazingly, the whole family who were around the car was oblivious. XX said at that split second when it happened, their backs were turned away from their car. I can't believe this! What a divine second! Any fraction of a second earlier or later would have completely changed the way things turned out. Checked my car, and it was thankfully only a light scratch. However, I guess I should not have taken advantage of their ignorance and drove away. I was feeling too panicky at that moment though. But I will learn to do what's right next time (hopefully there won't be!). And most importantly, estimate better.

Looking into the mirror

There's one spirit that I know. And that's the spirit of nuah-ness (I don't know how else to put it). This spirit clings on to me especially in times of uncertainty and challenges. Or rather, I could have unconsciously attached myself to it. It locks me up in a shell called the comfort zone where my mind becomes imprisoned to focus on the circumstances and my will becomes resigned to an overwhelming mash potato called emotionalism. This feeling may sometimes be confused as spiritual warfare, but it is simply one getting lost in the maze of their own emotions and can't think straight, up and right. The solution to it is to stir up your spirit once again and to tell yourself, "get a life and snap out of it." It's a decision that only we ourselves can make. And if we don't take any steps forward, nothing will ever change. This is such a basic yet crucial revelation! So it's about time that I fight and overcome the flesh (I hate you!) and rise up in the spirit and take ownership of my own life, because the violent shall take it by force!

And to my sis who blasted me on this..haha! Thanks so much!! Sometimes, I really need some spiritual whacks to break the stubbornness in my will.

I have another weakness. And that is the laziness and inertia to change and re-adapt. Got to change chew. Glory to glory! Amen.

Inspired :)

After reading your blog, I realize you are really strong. And I truly admire you for that. The thoughts that you penned - every word, every expression display depths which made me desire to experience and understand them myself. Your never-give-up spirit and the attitude to consistently do all things in love and be forward-looking is simply amazing. I'm inspired, and definitely impacted. You probably have experienced tons of darts and arrows to reach where you are right now. I'm inspired because you have ran and persevered in the race toward your upward call in faith, and will continue to run victoriously in boldness. Despite your perceived weaknesses, your trust in God have continued to motivate you in living out God's purpose for your life. And along the way, you have impacted so many lives around you. Though I seldom have the opportunity to talk to you now, see you in person, or even read your blog, you have created indelible footprints in my life. And I can really see you transforming countless lives in future. The impact you have will blow so many away, so much so that even you yourself will be in awe. I'm deeply provoked in my thoughts and spirit. Thank you so much! Thank you for being such a wonderful testimony for Jesus because you have impacted my life!:) And with that, thank You Jesus.

It's actually fun!

For the first time in my life, I'm looking forward to future ktv sessions. :)

Wonders of the Holy Spirit

Cell group was awesome today. Today's the first time we have it on a Friday. There was ministry and a short time of praying for each other after that. I shall blog about the short yet significant prayer session because it really impacted me. We are suppose to pray for our partner(s) whom we don't interact a lot with without asking each other for our individual needs. In other words, we are suppose to discern in the spirit and pray for each other. The last time I did it was last year in SOT! But SOT one was more "hiong" of course, which makes the process more exciting! Nonetheless, it's always good to revive something which I greatly missed.

I was initially nervous, but prayed and saw 3 words in my mind. I then prayed along the line of the 3 words and allow the holy spirit to lead. To my amazement, it was accurate! And praise God for my partner who prayed and spoke accurately into my life too! How amazing is that! I was really excited after that! The manifestations of the gifts of the holy spirit are really great testimonies of how real and tangible God is in our lives! I'm really more inspired and convicted to move more actively in the gifts of the holy spirit, because it is so easy to neglect them or even belittle the power of these gifts when the comfort of settling in the natural realm is deceitfully satisfying. This experience really reminded me that we should integrate the holy spirit in our lives. It should not be shocking to see miracles emerge out of the prayers we make. In fact, we should expect them in our everyday lives as we walk together with the holy spirit, who gives His power freely to us. We will miss out a large portion of an exciting supernatural walk with God if we were to constrain our lives to the natural realm. That will mean totally missing out on the power of the holy spirit, and losing the ability to influence and be an effective witness. I'm really inspired to understand the holy spirit better and to walk closer with him.

Bye Bye

I really really like this song - the sophistication of the lyrics, rhythm and tune. She's amazing.

Bye Bye by Mariah Carey
This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamma's, daddy's, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky
'Cos we will never say bye

As a child there were them times
I didn't get it but you kept me in line
I didn't know why you didn't show up some times
On Sunday mornings and I missed you
But I'm glad we talked through
All them grown full things separation brings
You never let me know it, you never let it show
Because you loved me and obviously
Theres so much more left so say
If you were with me today face to face

Chorus
I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
“I wish I could talk to you for awhile”
“Miss you but I try not to cry”
As time goes by
And as soon as you reached a better place
Still I’ll give the world to see your face
And we were here next to you
It feels like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye

(Bye bye bye bye bye bye) x3

Bye bye

And you never got a chance to see how good I’ve done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together
I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the Teddy Bear you gave me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
You'd make it through whatever
It’s so hard to accept the fact you’re gone forever

Chorus
I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
“I wish I could talk to you for awhile”
“Miss you but I try not to cry”
As time goes by
And as soon as you reached a better place
Still I’ll give the world to see your face
Am standing right here next to you
It feels like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye

(Bye bye bye bye bye bye) x3

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamma's, daddy's, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky
'Cos we will never say bye, bye

Chorus
I never knew I could hurt like this (I never knew it)
And everyday life goes on like (everyday of my life I wish)
“I wish I could talk to you for awhile” (I wish)
“Miss you but I try not to cry”
As time goes by (I wish, I wish, I wish as time goes by)
And as soon as you reached a better place
Still I’ll give the world to see your face
And we were here next to you
It feels like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye

(Its hard to say bye bye bye bye bye bye
So come on somebody sing it with me
Wave your hands up high
Hey hey, this if for my peoples who just lost somebody
So this is for everybody
You put your hand to the sky
'Cos we will never say bye bye)

To my precious tree

I love my tree! I really really do. I really appreciate the time you devoted last night to talk to me though you could have spend the time studying for your exams. I'm truly grateful. I feel so much better and indeed the truth sets us free. There's nothing more important than to walk in truth and love, being honest with yourself, with the people around you, and definitely with God. Fears and insecurities in our lives can sometimes act as binding forces and hinder us from becoming who we really are and what we can be in God. And as a result of that, we end up putting up a facade of ourselves and conform to the norms of our environment. We end up living a life that is not of truth, and not of faith; suppressing the inner us - our thoughts and our feelings.

So siew! Just want to say you are the best sister and friend in the world and thanks for sowing into the salvation of your fruit. Your counsel has always been precious and most importantly, you know me the best! :) Love you sis!

And I'm finally blogging again! This is a product by me to my dearest friend Xia Jiao while I was bored mugging for my exams 2 weeks ago . The wonders of a tablet PC. So Jac, to complement yours, I'm displaying this on my blog too! :)



*And you still owe me photos! :)*