I can because I want to!

A report to submit the next day. And another to submit the day after next. And another...and another... And this has been continuing everyday since the start of the week.

I'm tired......

Reports really have a way of zapping up my energy.
It's not exactly that detestable. Actually it's quite fun because I get to do some research and read more stuff. But when there's one whole line of reports, it can be very time-consuming........

With my current state of eye-bags and dark rings, I think I can compete with the pandas already. Haha!

Sigh.

Previously I said I know I can.

Yes, I know I can.

And I can, because I want to.

chew jiayou.

You can, you can and you can!

I am a Bible School Graduate

Thanks so much for the SMS. It really encouraged me.

I can't believe I cried when I read it. I guess I really needed that.

The greatest battlefield is in the mind.

How true indeed.

Release yourself from the defeat within by

putting on the helmet of salvation

and

guard your heart and mind closely.

The devil is a counterfeit.

But I am a child of God.

I am a Bible School Graduate.

Looking forward...

Things to work on in the coming week:

1. Love myself more. I realize that we must all have realistic expectations of ourselves. Otherwise, we will either continue to live in constant disappointment or constant frustrations of our own behavior. Accept ourselves for who we are by extending grace to our own flaws and weaknesses. It's taking care of your own physical, emotional and mental well-being.
   
2. Retail therapy!
   
3. Learn to be more objective in with matters as much as we are all emotional creatures
   
4. Not to be so self-absorbed in myself
5. Live out what I preach
   
6. Respect other peoples' time. Better time management please!
7. Remember to rise up above my pile of reports, projects and readings and b-r-e-a-t-h-e.
   

Navigating...Searching... Seeking...Ploughing...Focusing... Persevering...

for a new breakthrough, a new hunger, a new spirit, a new perspective...

to walk one step closer again toward the upward calling of God...

I know I can!

My fact sheet of the week:

1. Dimples come about because the muscles at that particular part of our faces are damaged. So people who have dimples probably have damaged facial muscles. I have. Haha
   
2. I just realized yesterday that I owe my school library $42 for fines, which I seriously have no idea where did that come from!
   
3. Encouragement of the week: I KNOW I CAN! (coming from the Special Olympics theme song). I AM NOT...but I CAN BE...and this, coming from my dear wonderful sister! :)
   
4. Whenever people live in guilt and shame, they often project their problems and their source of guilt on others, hence thinking that others feel and experience like them.
   
5. People conform in their behavior etc to gain social acceptance. It is an inevitable occurrence in that no one would feel comfortable or happy to stick out in a crowd. It's a natural phenomenon.
   
6. No one and not any circumstance should determine how much we're worth. God made us in our own special and unique ways. We feel lousy and useless because we allow our undesired behavior, failures or the situation around us to determine our value. However all these are not a measure of our value and worth. Though in the context of the world, it is true that the higher quality we produce, the more valuable we are as an asset. This is undeniably true. But at the end of the day, who we are is how God defines us to be, how the Creator of us all defines us to be! Circumstances come and go. Failures are just part of life. They do not define who we are! Therefore, I am precious and priceless. So are you!
   

That's all I can remember. After my 2 tests this week, I decided that I should activate my plan and faithfully abide by the number of study hours I shall fulfill every day. God...grace grace grace...be unto my tests. Amen.

I AM NOT diligent....but I CAN BE diligent...I KNOW I CAN.

ASS-SIT-DO-IT -------- A S S I D U I T Y

Psychological distress...but God was there...

"I couldn't help but kept staring at the bright green EXIT sign flashing insistently before my eyes as I forced my soul to purge out some answers. That green light seemed especially glaring that very hour. It's just amazing how I never notice that sign despite stepping into that exact same seminar room countless of times. The step towards the sign was just so tempting. The light veered smugly at me...Alright...time to change my line of focus! I shifted my concentration back to my script. My mind was in a state of blank. Rahhhh~! The time silently ticked by.
Minute by minute, second by second.
God, you got to create some miracle for me now!"

The above extract is a psychological reaction from a distressing test I just had in the afternoon. Haha. It was a horrible test...*yikes*. A test that require me to pray for an extraneous amount of God's grace to bring me through. Sighhh..the test really had a way of bringing my mood to an all-time low of the day =X I sat down on a bench after class and prayed.

God, You know how I feel...
open my eyes to a new perspective..
with a new attitude...
to see things the way You do..

And God is ultimately good! He said and reminded me: It's all about beating the system...He reminded me about what Gershon said. He reminded me about Xinhong's testimony. Just work smarter and do better for the finals and your term paper..He brought faith and hope, a shimmer of light into my dark discouraged heart. At that instant, I feel encouraged. I feel joy. I feel faith arise. It's alright man. It's over. What's 20%! Yes it definitely is something...but time to set my mind on the greater 30% and 35% and make the best out of them! As what Xinhong said..Assiduity! HAHA. (Not bad right..you have taught me well!)

God is gracious and I can do ALL things through Him! The same God who pours His grace on them can do the same to me too! Amen.

Thank God for God!

Impact-ed

I read something today that really impacted me.

There can be no pride before God.

Indeed, when I think back about what I can actually offer, I realize there's simply nothing.
God accepts and loves us, not because of what we can offer, but because of who we simply are.
We are we.
What is there to show off before the Almighty God?

Nothing.

Therefore, to do all things unto God requires a strong heart of purity.
A heart that pursues purity and love.
Doing things not unto man, but to God.

And this is from sheryl's blog:

"We can be highly intellectual
but we're lousy in our attitude
We can appear to be obedient
but we're slow in submission
We can say that we are teachable
but we're resistant to correction
We can justify our actions
in the name of doing things for God
but we're building our own kingdom
We can say we love God and ppl
but we're deficient in loving with action"

Sheryl, thanks for the permission to "kope" it! :) I feel you really phrase everything amazingly well! It can't get any closer to the reality of how it really is in our walk with God. And I really admire your conviction in being a person with a great attitude no matter what the circumstances are. I'm truly inspired and impacted! :) Though I've only known you for a short time, thanks for making a difference in my life!..in all the little ways, through all the unseen things! You have been a great awesome testimony!

Savior King

Today I understood to a deeper level that the extent we love ourselves is the extent we love others. It can't go beyond that.

Had SMU-CHC prayer meeting . It was awesome! We sang Savior King. Beautiful song.

LET NOW OUR HEARTS BURN WITH A FLAME
A FIRE CONSUMING ALL FOR YOUR SON'S HOLY NAME
AND WITH THE HEAVENS WE DECLARE
YOU ARE OUR KING

Whee~...I really love the pre-chorus. It's fantastic! I can like repeat it forever la. Hahah!

eeky now

(I don't like the way I'm feeling now)

But God is my Redeemer
my freedom
the reason

Today...

I learnt that I need to think two steps ahead.
I made mistakes because I was unwise.
I need to think further and bigger.
I was misunderstood..
But I learnt that in times like that, I just have to bite the bullet, swallow, and move on
Now I get a taste of how it feels like to do so.
It doesn't feel good!
But I learnt to humble myself down.
I learnt to become stronger.
The experience is bittersweet.

Thank You for such an eventful day
Thank You for your grace and wonderful love!
Thanks for all the awesome friends in my life who are always around me to pick me up and encourage me! I really feel so blessed!
Thanks for bringing me to where I am today!

2007 Shanghai Special Olympics Official Song - I Know I Can

Cognitive Dissonance

I realize the reason why I'm experiencing so much cognitive dissonance right now is because I'm studying for my social psyc test. My my..it just occurred to me that Psychology can be or in fact, is a very intellectual subject.

The reason why we feel confuse, perturb or discomfort at times, especially during decision making, is because we are experiencing cognitive dissonance. This is when whatever we do or need to do does not seem to reflect what we perceive of our own self-image. Therefore, there is an inconsistency. And it does affect our self-esteem. That's why it's so disturbing.

I just had a revelation. God said that He has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, the weak things of the world to put to shame the things that are mighty.

The message of salvation is unto one by faith and not by intellect. Things of God are just way beyond human intellect. It's impossible to figure out things of God using human intellect. We will really become psychotic if we do that. God said if we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Walking in the Spirit means going beyond human intellect. We don't rely on our own human intelligence. Don't get me wrong. I don't mean to say we become floaty brainless Christians. God gave us intellect and a mind for a reason. However, intellect is not all to what God has called us to do. If God can use the weak, prudent and not-so-wise to do great things and change the world, something extra must be present! And the only way that can happen is through the Spirit of God! God set us free not to let us live in the bondage of our own flesh again. There's such a fine line to draw. Indeed, God says where the Spirit is, there is liberty. Walk in the Spirit and be free!

Sometimes, we really need some counseling..not from men, but from God.
Indeed, psychology is the 9th level while God is the 10th level.
Psychology is merely a channel to understand why people behave the way they do. Period.

Whenever I close my eyes

I close my eyes
and sense a presence by my side
Come, take My hand
let's walk together
all the uncertainties
all the fears
all the apprehension
become so insignificant before a great big God
what I can see now is a great destiny before me
a destiny planned by a perfect Planner
a destiny where everything necessary will be provided
a destiny where promises will be fulfilled
a destiny of possibilities

A sense of desire
for a pure and clean heart
To be a channel of faith hope and love
To live life with a child-like faith
To walk in obedience and truth

A sense of desire
for strength, motivation and passion
against every procrastination and excuse
to resist, to fight, to excel
to be tough on the inside and a spirit of gentleness on the outside
to furiously seek and pursue the vision

Heal my heart and make it clean
open up my eyes
to the things unseen
Break my heart for what breaks Yours

Hosanna in the highest
my desire