Chin Tao!

Guess who is this! She's a dearly missed friend called Chin Tao! She looks just so cool on this bike! Was just talking to her on MSN..and I realized I really miss her! One of my new year resolutions shall be to save up enough money and go Taiwan and visit her and other Taiwanese from SOT! She is a bubbly girl with a passionate heart to serve God! And she's the same age as me! Really miss hanging out with her and taking photos together!

Anyway, tomorrow is the first Christmas service! Can't wait! I believe it's gonna be more than fantastic!

Let the harvest come!

Today's catch was good! The journey was initially tough. There were barely any people around though there seem to be. Was kind of praying that Jesus would just appear in front of us and say, "Let down the nets into the deep", as how He told Simon Peter. Wheeee! That would be wonderful! But of course that didn't happen. Haha. Was also praying that our efforts will not be wasted. God was good! It drizzled but stopped. It was never heavy, and we could proceed on smoothly. Near to the last hour, things became more productive and we manage to get more "fish"! And seemingly good ones! Hopefully they are really so! Anyway, though it was really tiring, it was fun! Had a good time crapping and joking with Calvin. Haha. Let the harvest come! Amen.

Anyway, to Xinhong (author of the message below): Thanks for encouraging and always so willing to help! Thanks for always challenging me to reach greater heights and deny what others say are impossible! Thanks for being a source of inspiration and a channel of God's grace! Thanks for being such a great buddy in the Lord! :)

For Chew:

Courage is not the absence of fear - it is what you do inspite of your fear, discouragements and sadness. It's ok to screw up. What's not ok is to give up. Life's about making mistakes now and learning from them so that you won't make them next time. You are in this process of getting wiser and smarter. You are finding better ways to do things. You are going to have assiduity and bash right through whatever stands in your way. You have given me permission to push you to your limit. I promise you, I will. We will sit our asses down and learn to love what we do; we will jump out of bed every morning and have a hungry attitude. Inspire me too - inspire me to learn somemore.

Grades tell me nothing about your future. Your attitude does. You have a good attitude that is getting better with every semester. I have not seen a Chew Yan who has been more enthusiastic about her University education as I had seen this past term. You shall no longer waste your time. You set your mind on your goal of being excellent from the term starting 2 Jan 08 and we shall push forward until we reach our goal. Don't worry about when. Even if it is 10 years time, you would not stop until you reach your goal. I remind you that Jamie Dimon said something about there not being an age where you have to be successful at. People who are going to become successful will become successful because they have what it takes. Some earlier, some later (paraphrase). So I urge you to become that person, and not the grade chaser, because if you focus right, the results will follow.

You can do it. I absolutely believe that my grey matter is not superior to yours. It's just different. You are good at things I am utterly hopeless at. Keep the faith. Next year will be you best year yet.



Amen.

Giving it our all...

Today, I went street surveying with Gerald and Calvin. It was not bad considered we got 15 names in about 1.5hrs given the unforgiving rainy weather. We went to Yio Chu Kang and Ang Mo Kio areas. We were initially quite intimidated and scared to approach the people, and started off targeting the individuals who were on their own. But gradually we took turns asking and began to warm up. It was fun, making jokes along the way. Calvin came up with our whole act as "fishing", which brought about much humour throughout the whole process. Maybe it's the way he said it. But truly, as much as it sounded quite hilarious, we realized this is also a spiritual connotation. We are commanded to be fishers of man, to go the highways and byways to bring the people into the feast and celebration. We need to fish for people. And we need to be ever more urgent, hungry and desperate for the harvest! The next round shall be and will be better!

Anw went for dinner at BBQ Chicken at Cineleisure with yiqian, meiqi, daniel and maurice. Took some funny shots with meiqi again. Haha, we shall have an album full of our own stupid photos man! The first two was taken yesterday after prayer meeting.

Back to us again!

Pastor's message yesterday was tremendously impactful. Indeed it is the message for this season. At least for me, it is a very timely one. My revelation is to always always place my vision before my eyes. Let the vision be so distinctly visible, not just swimming or lurking ambiguously in the mind! Sometimes we thought we knew, but actually we don't. Or maybe we know or were once clear about it, but it became blur along the way and got mixed with doubts, and we lost the first touch of passion and excitement for it. And for the vision to fully materialize , it takes faith and prayer to birth it into the natural. All these takes time. If we can see it, we can have it! All things will fall into place at the right time.

Tradition --- Transitions --- Transformation!

REVELATIONS...hearing the spoken word..specially catered for our needs and situations...
Visions and dreams...We have to VISUALIZE, imagine..see it in the Spirit...
and finally...CONFESS the word, speak the vision...
breathe, walk and live the vision...like it has already happened...
and waiting for the spiritual realm to come to pass in the natural....
with FAITH and GRACE...
in PRAYER and FASTINGS...

awaiting a deeper revelation, greater dreams and visions, a more glorious transformation...

Rattling...

Yikes I hate the rain today! It damaged my berks =X But today was a pretty fruitful day considering the fact I woke up at 10am. Gave 2 bible studies and went for tuition at night. I still haven got down to my desired lifestyle of exercising as frequently as I can. I guess putting the intention in the morning is seriously not a good and wise idea. I will have to crucify every fibre of my being to make morning exercise happen! Unless God performs a miracle. Haha.

Anyway yiqian, I'm really proud of you. I'm encouraged by the fact that by the grace of God, you emerge stronger, wiser, and loving God more after all that you went through. Keep on keeping on! :)

And cheuk, thanks so muchy again for changing my bloggy skin!!! You rock! =)

The END...and the beginning!

Today marks the end of my exams! Finally the long awaited freedom has arrived. I have actually been looking forward to this break! And one of the things I want to do is to update my blog. Yihan said I backslided..from blogging. Haha. Yea I truly did. Well, met up with Jac and Joce after exams and we went to watch The Enchanted together. It's a great movie! At least that's what I feel. Definitely something worth watching. It's a good thing I didn't insist in my own opinions of it being an unrealistic and waste-time-and-money movie. I realize I like the "bimbotic" humor by all the fairytale characters who eventually transcend into human beings through some magical powers. And how each one of them kept emerging from the same drain which is situated in the middle of a busy road. They rock my socks!!! Extremely hilarious. Haha. It's one good movie that can make you laugh consistently throughout. And Joce, I still think your reaction toward the cockroaches is very funnily cute. Haha

As much as it may seem a little bizarre to blend both fantasy and the real world together, the movie speaks to me of God's common grace. The real world is the world out there, where you and I live in right now. A place constantly bombarded with negativity and hypocrisy. If it's impossible in the eyes of the world, it is impossible for you. It simply just can't be done. However, the fantasy world in the movie is likened to the kingdom of God. Not that God's kingdom is a fantasy or a realm of illusion of unrealism. The fantasy world in the movie believes that there is true love and there's no such thing as impossibilities. As long as one holds on to the child-like faith and keeps one's heart open to opportunities and new experiences, one can lead a carefree life filled with joy, hope and purpose. Who cares about what other people think? Think about your own life and building your life around your purpose! The true love we have is the agape love from God, and this is eternal, faithful and pure. In God, nothing shall be impossible. Despite what the world thinks, how the people around us despise us for our beliefs and committments, will you still hold on to your conviction? Will you still believe in God's promises and stand firm, even if they are spoken years ago? Will you still believe with all your heart that nothing is truly impossible if we put our circumstances in the hands of God? This came about from the scene when Giselle (the lead actress) felt angry for the first time with Robert (the lead actor) and realized what she was feeling was actually called anger. That was another "BLOND" moment. Haha! Amazing!

So my draw is it's an interesting movie! Quite emotionally satisfying I should say. You guys should watch! The next movie I want to watch is Golden Compass. W309 and E237 let's go watch together!

Anyway, we went to a Brazilian restaurant at Vivocity for lunch. I think the food is authentic! The pictures are not exactly very depictive of the taste. So it can't really do much talking. Haha..pardon the mediocre photographic skills.

Jac! Our first photo together...finally! Can't believe it right!

This drink is called Guanana..it's only sold in Brazil and Japan.
But most importantly, it helps people lose weight and trim their waists! :)

A truly satisfying day! I'm really excited for this holidays! This December shall be the best ever!

Carola - Invincible

3 more weeks!

Week 12 is ending and 3 more weeks to holidays!!!
Whee~! Rejoice!
I can't wait!

I can because I want to!

A report to submit the next day. And another to submit the day after next. And another...and another... And this has been continuing everyday since the start of the week.

I'm tired......

Reports really have a way of zapping up my energy.
It's not exactly that detestable. Actually it's quite fun because I get to do some research and read more stuff. But when there's one whole line of reports, it can be very time-consuming........

With my current state of eye-bags and dark rings, I think I can compete with the pandas already. Haha!

Sigh.

Previously I said I know I can.

Yes, I know I can.

And I can, because I want to.

chew jiayou.

You can, you can and you can!

I am a Bible School Graduate

Thanks so much for the SMS. It really encouraged me.

I can't believe I cried when I read it. I guess I really needed that.

The greatest battlefield is in the mind.

How true indeed.

Release yourself from the defeat within by

putting on the helmet of salvation

and

guard your heart and mind closely.

The devil is a counterfeit.

But I am a child of God.

I am a Bible School Graduate.

Looking forward...

Things to work on in the coming week:

1. Love myself more. I realize that we must all have realistic expectations of ourselves. Otherwise, we will either continue to live in constant disappointment or constant frustrations of our own behavior. Accept ourselves for who we are by extending grace to our own flaws and weaknesses. It's taking care of your own physical, emotional and mental well-being.
   
2. Retail therapy!
   
3. Learn to be more objective in with matters as much as we are all emotional creatures
   
4. Not to be so self-absorbed in myself
5. Live out what I preach
   
6. Respect other peoples' time. Better time management please!
7. Remember to rise up above my pile of reports, projects and readings and b-r-e-a-t-h-e.
   

Navigating...Searching... Seeking...Ploughing...Focusing... Persevering...

for a new breakthrough, a new hunger, a new spirit, a new perspective...

to walk one step closer again toward the upward calling of God...

I know I can!

My fact sheet of the week:

1. Dimples come about because the muscles at that particular part of our faces are damaged. So people who have dimples probably have damaged facial muscles. I have. Haha
   
2. I just realized yesterday that I owe my school library $42 for fines, which I seriously have no idea where did that come from!
   
3. Encouragement of the week: I KNOW I CAN! (coming from the Special Olympics theme song). I AM NOT...but I CAN BE...and this, coming from my dear wonderful sister! :)
   
4. Whenever people live in guilt and shame, they often project their problems and their source of guilt on others, hence thinking that others feel and experience like them.
   
5. People conform in their behavior etc to gain social acceptance. It is an inevitable occurrence in that no one would feel comfortable or happy to stick out in a crowd. It's a natural phenomenon.
   
6. No one and not any circumstance should determine how much we're worth. God made us in our own special and unique ways. We feel lousy and useless because we allow our undesired behavior, failures or the situation around us to determine our value. However all these are not a measure of our value and worth. Though in the context of the world, it is true that the higher quality we produce, the more valuable we are as an asset. This is undeniably true. But at the end of the day, who we are is how God defines us to be, how the Creator of us all defines us to be! Circumstances come and go. Failures are just part of life. They do not define who we are! Therefore, I am precious and priceless. So are you!
   

That's all I can remember. After my 2 tests this week, I decided that I should activate my plan and faithfully abide by the number of study hours I shall fulfill every day. God...grace grace grace...be unto my tests. Amen.

I AM NOT diligent....but I CAN BE diligent...I KNOW I CAN.

ASS-SIT-DO-IT -------- A S S I D U I T Y

Psychological distress...but God was there...

"I couldn't help but kept staring at the bright green EXIT sign flashing insistently before my eyes as I forced my soul to purge out some answers. That green light seemed especially glaring that very hour. It's just amazing how I never notice that sign despite stepping into that exact same seminar room countless of times. The step towards the sign was just so tempting. The light veered smugly at me...Alright...time to change my line of focus! I shifted my concentration back to my script. My mind was in a state of blank. Rahhhh~! The time silently ticked by.
Minute by minute, second by second.
God, you got to create some miracle for me now!"

The above extract is a psychological reaction from a distressing test I just had in the afternoon. Haha. It was a horrible test...*yikes*. A test that require me to pray for an extraneous amount of God's grace to bring me through. Sighhh..the test really had a way of bringing my mood to an all-time low of the day =X I sat down on a bench after class and prayed.

God, You know how I feel...
open my eyes to a new perspective..
with a new attitude...
to see things the way You do..

And God is ultimately good! He said and reminded me: It's all about beating the system...He reminded me about what Gershon said. He reminded me about Xinhong's testimony. Just work smarter and do better for the finals and your term paper..He brought faith and hope, a shimmer of light into my dark discouraged heart. At that instant, I feel encouraged. I feel joy. I feel faith arise. It's alright man. It's over. What's 20%! Yes it definitely is something...but time to set my mind on the greater 30% and 35% and make the best out of them! As what Xinhong said..Assiduity! HAHA. (Not bad right..you have taught me well!)

God is gracious and I can do ALL things through Him! The same God who pours His grace on them can do the same to me too! Amen.

Thank God for God!

Impact-ed

I read something today that really impacted me.

There can be no pride before God.

Indeed, when I think back about what I can actually offer, I realize there's simply nothing.
God accepts and loves us, not because of what we can offer, but because of who we simply are.
We are we.
What is there to show off before the Almighty God?

Nothing.

Therefore, to do all things unto God requires a strong heart of purity.
A heart that pursues purity and love.
Doing things not unto man, but to God.

And this is from sheryl's blog:

"We can be highly intellectual
but we're lousy in our attitude
We can appear to be obedient
but we're slow in submission
We can say that we are teachable
but we're resistant to correction
We can justify our actions
in the name of doing things for God
but we're building our own kingdom
We can say we love God and ppl
but we're deficient in loving with action"

Sheryl, thanks for the permission to "kope" it! :) I feel you really phrase everything amazingly well! It can't get any closer to the reality of how it really is in our walk with God. And I really admire your conviction in being a person with a great attitude no matter what the circumstances are. I'm truly inspired and impacted! :) Though I've only known you for a short time, thanks for making a difference in my life!..in all the little ways, through all the unseen things! You have been a great awesome testimony!

Savior King

Today I understood to a deeper level that the extent we love ourselves is the extent we love others. It can't go beyond that.

Had SMU-CHC prayer meeting . It was awesome! We sang Savior King. Beautiful song.

LET NOW OUR HEARTS BURN WITH A FLAME
A FIRE CONSUMING ALL FOR YOUR SON'S HOLY NAME
AND WITH THE HEAVENS WE DECLARE
YOU ARE OUR KING

Whee~...I really love the pre-chorus. It's fantastic! I can like repeat it forever la. Hahah!

eeky now

(I don't like the way I'm feeling now)

But God is my Redeemer
my freedom
the reason

Today...

I learnt that I need to think two steps ahead.
I made mistakes because I was unwise.
I need to think further and bigger.
I was misunderstood..
But I learnt that in times like that, I just have to bite the bullet, swallow, and move on
Now I get a taste of how it feels like to do so.
It doesn't feel good!
But I learnt to humble myself down.
I learnt to become stronger.
The experience is bittersweet.

Thank You for such an eventful day
Thank You for your grace and wonderful love!
Thanks for all the awesome friends in my life who are always around me to pick me up and encourage me! I really feel so blessed!
Thanks for bringing me to where I am today!

2007 Shanghai Special Olympics Official Song - I Know I Can

Cognitive Dissonance

I realize the reason why I'm experiencing so much cognitive dissonance right now is because I'm studying for my social psyc test. My my..it just occurred to me that Psychology can be or in fact, is a very intellectual subject.

The reason why we feel confuse, perturb or discomfort at times, especially during decision making, is because we are experiencing cognitive dissonance. This is when whatever we do or need to do does not seem to reflect what we perceive of our own self-image. Therefore, there is an inconsistency. And it does affect our self-esteem. That's why it's so disturbing.

I just had a revelation. God said that He has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, the weak things of the world to put to shame the things that are mighty.

The message of salvation is unto one by faith and not by intellect. Things of God are just way beyond human intellect. It's impossible to figure out things of God using human intellect. We will really become psychotic if we do that. God said if we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Walking in the Spirit means going beyond human intellect. We don't rely on our own human intelligence. Don't get me wrong. I don't mean to say we become floaty brainless Christians. God gave us intellect and a mind for a reason. However, intellect is not all to what God has called us to do. If God can use the weak, prudent and not-so-wise to do great things and change the world, something extra must be present! And the only way that can happen is through the Spirit of God! God set us free not to let us live in the bondage of our own flesh again. There's such a fine line to draw. Indeed, God says where the Spirit is, there is liberty. Walk in the Spirit and be free!

Sometimes, we really need some counseling..not from men, but from God.
Indeed, psychology is the 9th level while God is the 10th level.
Psychology is merely a channel to understand why people behave the way they do. Period.

Whenever I close my eyes

I close my eyes
and sense a presence by my side
Come, take My hand
let's walk together
all the uncertainties
all the fears
all the apprehension
become so insignificant before a great big God
what I can see now is a great destiny before me
a destiny planned by a perfect Planner
a destiny where everything necessary will be provided
a destiny where promises will be fulfilled
a destiny of possibilities

A sense of desire
for a pure and clean heart
To be a channel of faith hope and love
To live life with a child-like faith
To walk in obedience and truth

A sense of desire
for strength, motivation and passion
against every procrastination and excuse
to resist, to fight, to excel
to be tough on the inside and a spirit of gentleness on the outside
to furiously seek and pursue the vision

Heal my heart and make it clean
open up my eyes
to the things unseen
Break my heart for what breaks Yours

Hosanna in the highest
my desire

My state of mind right now...

Cell group meeting was great today. The message was on relating wisely with others. One of the points to relate wisely is to be considerate: to be patient and understanding. To be gentle. Wisdom will cause you to react gently to people around you; to not belittle their feelings even if they may be illogical or irrational. Point to note!

Anyway, went to Ichiban Sushi after cell with 2 of my cell group members. The food there is quite nice I should say. I had a very interesting time teaching of one of them how to use the chopsticks correctly. It was so funny larh! Hahaha..it's just so hilarious seeing the amused look on his face figuring the right way to use it as he attempted again and again..and complaining "Ouch, hand cramp..." Hahaha. Ok..sorry, I don't mean to xing4 zai1 le4 huo4..but I really think it's very funny. Hahahs. But I was quite impressed by the way he kept trying even after failing to get the technique right..though it was a very small thing. Hmm...teachable!

Sow and you will reap!
Treated one of my cell group members to Mos Burger for lunch
And I was blessed with Ichiban Sushi for dinner!
Yay! Thanks Maurice! :)

And to respond to my good friend's remark that my posts are quite monochrome, I shall add more colours from now! :)

Absent-mindedness!

I was really absent-minded yesterday.
Forgot to bring my handphone out and only realized it when I reached the station.
(Absent-minded case #1!)
And that's like 15min walk from my house -_-
(Not to mention it was drizzling quite heavily)
Decided to use the pay phone to call my mum, hoping that she can help me bring it to the station. Was thinking if I can do without my phone today but I realized I can't.
I'll need it in one way or another...Hmms...
"It's alright..Let me call home with the public phone."
HOWEVER...
The pay phone happily gobbled down my 20cents and denied me the access to process any call! =S
"Argh!..What is this! Cheater bug!!! =X"

"Well, it's ok..."
Decided to walk all the way home to get it
God please stop the rain
It's freezing cold and uncomfortably wet!
Grudgingly make my way home
Still murmuring about how forgetful I am
I can't believe myself...(chew how can you forget?!)

Thankfully when I reached home, my mum had sympathy on me and decided to fetch me to school! (Yays I love you Mum! :))
But while in the car, I realized I forgot to bring my sweater out...(chew!...)
I guess I was especially cold today that's why...
Nevermind, it's alright. I'll find alternatives.
Met my friend and studied together
Time's up
Left for class
And I can't believe myself....I misplaced my phone!-_-
(Absent-minded case #2!)
Messaged my friend
Found out I left it at the GSR when I left for class
Phew thank God it's in safe hands!
For one moment, I thought it's stolen because called my phone and it was off.

My thought process and vision seems to be moving in a straight line today.
Zombi-fied. Hahahs
I guess I was moving around with my mind pretty much shut down for the whole day.
Maybe it's the rain...(excuses!)
I was tired though...(excuses!)

Had tuition at night after duty at Wellness Centre
I almost forgot about it!
(Absent-minded case #3!)
Had to shift my tuition back...
Thankfully, I had fun giving tuition today.
My energy that was zapped out for 3/4 of the day came back miraculously.
Whee. Praise the Lord.

In any case, I need to be more organized
More meticulous
More aware of my surroundings!
Today is a test of attitudes.

Thank God for grace! Despite all the hiccups and mood swings my day went pretty well I should say..thank You for walking with me! :)

The Student's Psalm!

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not flunk.

He keepeth me from lying down when I should be studying.

He leadeth me besides the water cooler for a study break.

He restores my faith in my study guides.

He leads me to better study habits.

For my grades' sake

Yea, though I walk thru' the valley of borderline grades,

I will not have a nervous breakdown,

For Thou art with me;

My prayers and my friends, they comfort me.

Thou givest me the answers in moments of blankness;

Thou anointst my head with understanding,

My test paper runneth over with questions I recognize.

Surely passing grades and flying colors shall follow me
All the days of examinations;

And I shall not have to dwell in failure

Forever!

This is adopted and modified from Psalm 23 in the bible. I saw this in my school email yesterday. It is a forwarded mail. So cool right! :)

To all my friends who are studying for exams/tests, lets jiayou and do well! Ganbate kudasai!

Cha-pa-langs!

I just came back from star search! It was really cool to be sitting in the auditorium which we normally view from the rectangular box at the comfort of our own homes! Hahas. It was much smaller than I expected, at least from what is always portrayed on TV. In any case, it was interesting seeing how the backstage and camera crew work and how it truly is behind the glamour and seeming perfection. Meiqi, thanks for the ticket! I didn't regret going though I was reluctant at first because this week is hectic for me and I wanted to stay home and do my work. I had fun! :)

Hong Xi (F2) was great on stage! She looks really hot man! Hahas. Praise God for her good results! Really hope she can win and shine next week! Today seems like a "glamour" day. Fiona Xie, Benjamin, Michelle Chia and this other guy I don't know came to my school to host Xiao Hua Xiao Cao (Campus Superstar if I'm not wrong). Fiona Xie is really pretty! Awesome bod! Hahaha.

This week feels like a long tiring week. So many things everyday...got to really learn how to manage my time effectively. Readings + project meetings + more readings! Not to mention the impending psyc mid-terms next sat =S Thank God Econs and RMSS exams are after the mid-term holidays. But I was really glad yesterday! I went to shop for a formal skirt at AMK Hub after class for my mock interview tomorrow, and managed to get one at only $22! And I think it looks good! And it's really cheap! Hahas. I'm really overjoyed!...especially when I only have 1 hour to get it before all the shop closes! :)

I learnt a really precious lesson last week. It's kind of difficult to express what I exactly went through. It is truly an experience I'll never forget. But I don't think I would ever want to go through it again. Something that God had been telling me since the days in SOT...Don't suppress...Don't suppress... I love you with an everlasting love..let Me help you handle...let's do this together...

I never understand that much about letting go
I never understand that much about surrendering and yielding my all
Perhaps I have never truly understood that it always takes two hands to clap in a relationship
And that relationships are always interactive
Simply performing my duties will not work!
In fact, it's religious!

Turn your eyes and change your focal point
Focus on the right Target and allow Him to step into your life in a deeper level
It's meant to be dynamic, it's meant to be responsive
Nobody ask you to carry the burden on your own
Don't torture yourself
Because at the end of the day the only person who will suffer is you

Be anxious for nothing.
Lift up. Surrender more. Trust more.
And you'll grow to willingly and automatically obey
Step out of the darkness into the light
Don't hide, don't suppress, don't fear!
Relationship cannot be built on a foundation of fear!
It can only progress and flourish in the realm of love.
So is discipleship!
Walk in truth, walk in the light, walk in love!
Be open and brutally honest with yourself!
It could be tough, but it's better to walk in total honesty
Don't deceive yourself or think that others are also deceived.
Blessed are those who are pure in heart
For they shall see God.
Amen.

Categorical Syllogism
Premise 1: Relationship cannot be built on fear
Premise 2: Discipleship is built on relationship
Conclusion: Therefore, discipleship cannot be built on fear. (valid!)

(A crazy and weird thought that just came up while I was thinking about some random stuff...hahahs)

Alrighty...back to my readings!!!

Pride

When pride seeps in, rebellion sets in. Pride is the gateway to rebellion.

Awakenings

Being more open-minded is good. It helps you be more accepting towards others.
Being stubborn is bad at times.
I was stubborn and resistant.
I need to be more open. I need to love change more.

Mixture of thoughts and feelings. But just can't seem to articulate them.
Hmms...always seem to have such a problem. Hahas.

Self-reflection is good. It awakens your soul. It illuminates your mind to understand truths about yourself and circumstances around you :)

I learnt about Carl Rogers last week in my Peer Helpers course. I was telling my friends I almost called him Carl's Junior when I was asking Baotian(my lecturer) a question about him today. Hahahas. And my friend suggested Kenny Rogers. We realized his name is quite foody~! Hahahas! Anyway, he's a counselor who invented the person-centred theory. How does he counsel his clients? It's by externalization 3.0. It means: You feel...because...(person, situation, event). In short, whatever the person feels is explained by an external factor. Never directed at the person himself. Sounds easy right...but it's really difficult man! The main objective is to make the client feel very comfortable and safe with you to share. It is to create a safe environment where the client will not be blamed or confronted in any way pertaining to the situation. Way to go chew! Practise makes perfect!

Just to do some virtual eye-rolling here. I can't believe my prof decided not to come to school because she missed the bus and there was no time for taxis! But we didn't come to school for nothing because....she conducted virtual lessons over email through vista. So every few minutes she'll pose a question and some instructions and we'll have to submit our answers via email. It's probably pretty much the same as normal lessons except she's not there and every participation and response is typed instead of spoken. And of course, there were many self-proclaimed breaks. Hahahs. However, we were really quite sian diao by the end of class (-_-)

Anyway I got a new tuition assignment! And it pays pretty well! Just in time for BF!
Happy happy :)

Intrinsic Motivation

A high self-monitor look for cues in the situation to tell them how to behave.
- show considerable adaptability in their behavior
- highly sensitive to external cues and can behave differently in different situations
- capable of presenting striking contradictions between the public persona and the private self
- demonstrate greater flexibility in adapting their leadership style to changing situations

A low self-monitor use their own values and motives to guide their behavior.
- less aware of or concerned with their impact on others
- usually reflect their inner feelings and attitudes
- less likely to change or adjust in each new context

Self-monitoring involves 3 major and somewhat distinct tendencies:
a) The willingness to be the centre of attention (tendency to behave in outgoing, extraverted ways)

b) Sensitivity to the reactions of others

c) Ability and willingness to adjust to behavior to induce positive reactions in others

Are you a high self-monitor or a low self-monitor?
0-12: Low
13-25: High

I did this test of 25 questions during my social psyc class yesterday! The lesson was on self-perception and self-knowledge.

Score: 9
I'm a low self-monitor. Eeeew..I want to increase =S

I also learnt a new word I can use to pray during social psyc class.

I n t r i n s i c M o t i v a t i o n
God, give me more intrinsic motivation to do the things I need to do.
Help me to be faithful even when the extrinsic factors are not present.
Amen.

I was reminded of a saying...

When the going gets tough, the tough gets going. I want to be tough.

I see the common grace working through my social psyc class yesterday. Praise the Lord.

You need...To...

A pure heart
That's what I long for
A heart that follows hard after Thee

A pure heart
That's what I long for
A heart that follows hard after Thee

A heart that hides your Word
So that sin will not come in
A heart that's undivided
But one you rule and reign
A heart that beats compassion
One that pleases You my Lord
A sweet aroma of worship
That rises to Your throne

....................................................................................................

You need to be driven
You need to be strong
You need to have a vision
You need values and convictions
You need love
You need faith
You need unwavering decisiveness
And you need a progressive relationship with the Almighty God

To be faithful in the little things
To know that you can stand up again when you fall
To know that you can do greater things than you think
To know that you can be happy, live a colorful life and not compromise on your own convictions
To know that you can be in this world but not of the world
To know that you can be in this world but yet live a life with a pure heart
To not compromise to your flesh
To not compromise to the standards of the world


And in all these...
Not by power nor by might but by His Spirit.

My Monday

I realized that when you are hard on yourself,
you will unconsciously and naturally be hard on others.
Don't ill-treat yourself.
Don't ill-treat others.
Learn to love yourself.
Learn to love others.
It's just amazing how it so often seems to boil down once again to
EXPECTATION MANAGEMENT.

.................

I felt really tired today. I slept for 6 hours last night. It's usually alright. But today was just exceptionally exhausting. It's not just the physical fatigue. What bothers me more was that I was also mentally all over the place. Chew, whats wrong??? I just feel weird. Not myself. Just so not myself. Is it a Monday morning syndrome? Hmm..I don't believe in Monday blues..and don't usually have them! Eeeks...maybe there's some chemical imbalance in my corpus callosum. Hahas. All right, stop kidding yourself..

Anyway, dragged my feet to school with much reluctance.
First program of the day. 10am: project meeting. ("-_-")
Lessons lessons lessons till 645pm. How exciting right.
Just thinking about my long Monday does not exactly help much.

God, give me the strength I need. Help me to focus. Give me the peace that will surpass all understanding. Help me to walk in Your grace. Amen.

I started off my term telling myself that I wanted to approach my life as a student with a better attitude! Wheeeee~! My marketplace! :) I love my school! Hahas. And I'm really not lying. I truly believe my life will definitely not be as good if I'm in any other university! No offense, but the point is to be at the right place at the right time :) Walking under His will, His grace, His covering. The feeling is simply awesome. I'm am in safe Hands.

It's really important to go to where God wants you to be, what He wants you to do. It's so important to obey and follow. I finally understood...

It's not I who live, but Christ who lives in me.

In all that I do, I just want to please Him. I want to do my best to fulfill all that He has placed in my hands, in wherever He has planted me in. I want to do my best to live out the Standards, to be the message!

I love God! God is wonderful! :)

Perspectives

Focus on the gain and not the pain.
Sometimes we all just have to look at things in another angle.
It made all the difference between pessimism and optimism.
Don't be too hard on yourself.
Nobody's perfect. Neither are you.
You are who God made you out to be.
You are you. And you are special.
It's not all that bad.
In fact, it's actually good!
Just change and move on.
What's the big deal?!
Everyone makes mistakes.
What matters most is you change and move on with the right attitude.
Away with the EGO!
Face reality. Place your feet firmly on the ground.
Understand the world around you.
One life, lay it at the altar.
All it takes is for one to have a willing heart.
You only get to live life once.
Live it to the fullest.
Focus on the purpose.
Desire to be the chosen.

Mich, thanks so much for being my Barnabas!!! :) You're great! I miss being in the same class as you!!! :)


And to the lovely sweetest Grace, thanks for being my Moses that fateful day to part the sea for me! HAHA!!!

Courage

Recently, I have been coming face to face with the word called change. Change is good. But when it steps into our comfort zone (or perhaps my comfort zone), that's another issue. Easy to say, but it's definitely not easy to comply.

I realized I need courage.

Courage to come face to face before who I really am. Courage to accept any brutal reality. Courage to be true to myself. Courage to decide that I want to change and go through the pain, tears and fire. Courage to envision myself in the furnace and be purified. Courage to endure.

I need courage. I need strength.

Now I understand. "Are you sure?..Do you want to reconsider?"
I replied, "Yes I'm sure." Puzzled, because I don't understand what truly lies beneath.
The pain. The sacrifice. Just thinking about it makes me cower. It's scary. Maybe I just can't bring myself to let go.

Yes, now I guess I understand and see why. Probably not all yet, but more than before.

Can I handle the truth? Am I willing to obey?
Yes, I am. And I pray I will. But firstly, I need courage. Courage to take the first step to bring myself to comply and make a decision. Courage to be ready to let go.

One step at a time. Just keep walking.

You can do it chew.

Memoirs of T20!

Hahas..Videos after videos! Amazing man! But this is probably the last..hehehs. Just can't get enough of T20! Love you guys!!! :)

Jae Hyun

To the already/soon-to-be pastor..you never fail to make me smile!!! Thanks for always making my day! :)

Anyway, have been trying to upload Kevin's and Vicky's video. But to no avail! I clicked "post video" like 10 times lah! =S
Shall just put the link here then! :) http://youtube.com/watch?v=m72WgzBlfxA

Thoughts and Rambles!

I finally finished what's hopefully the longest day of my week! Yay!..So tired..have been in school from 12pm-9pm yesterday. It's been a long long day! Last weekend was also pretty packed. I spent my Saturday night glooming over some stuff after I came home from cell group. After service on Sunday, went for lunch with my cell group at Bedok market (Yum!..The porridge there is really good! Should try! :)). Anyway, went back to expo after that for a short meeting, then went to meet my parents with my sister..celebrated my mum's birthday! We went Dian Xiao Er to eat, then went to watch Ratatouille together after that. The movie was not bad I should say...it's quite hilarious. But I feel it's more value for money on a weekday. Hahas :) I can't wait to watch Hairspray!! :)

Anyway, could really feel the stress of school building up...*Yikes!*...Better keep my readings and revision consistent. I wanna do well this semester! Need to start reading my Econs textbook. "Substitution effect...rational vs irrational behavior...what's that man!?! -_-" But I thank God that I really enjoy all my modules this sem...including Econs!..though it's quite un-understandable...Hahas! But I realized it's not all that difficult once I understand the concepts :)

Over the past few days, I experienced some issues. I learnt that it's very important to keep our emotional balance in check. In whatever that we do, have the right attitudes. Our attitudes will shape the perspectives we have towards that we are doing, and our perspectives will then determine whether we enjoy doing them. It's not the circumstances, the place or the people. But it's about how we actually view and choose to regard whatever is given to us at any place and time. And though we may already have known and heard this concept countless times, sometimes we just have to speak it to ourselves again and again to live it out effectively in our lives. And sometimes, we have to learn to look at things at other peoples' perspectives to understand the underlying meaning of what they are trying to bring across. And especially for me, I need to learn how to manage my expectations in people. That's probably the root cause of why I get disappointed with people so easily at times. Everyone makes mistakes. No one is perfect. And I'm definitely far far far from perfect too. Therefore, it's unfair for others if I impose my expectations on them and I myself am not able to perform it.

Recently, I just had a revelation of joy. In the past when I feel troubled or burdened by something, it really weighs me down all the way. I'll be extremely affected the whole day. And the worst thing is that it shows on my face! -_-...and naturally whatever we feel on the inside will be displayed on the outside...my attitudes and behaviors will be affected too. It's really unhealthy..and I have been trying to manage such a feeling in a right and positive way.

"Cast all your cares upon Him..for His yoke is easy and His burden is light..." I heard this so many times in the past..but that day, I learnt that when I cast, I really CAST. It means I no longer think about it. I truly and fully entrust it to God. Be assured. For whatever that I am worrying about is being taken care of. It's in good hands! And whatever it is, nothing is too big for an even greater God!

Wow..I'm so set free by that revelation! And of course with revelations, our lives change because our thinking changes! :) As what Nick Vujicic said, circumstances are here in our lives to change us, often because we need to renew our minds. I feel really thankful for all the experiences and lessons I learnt from the challenges and difficulties I go through in my life..because that's when my character is put to the test and I get to see what I need to change to be the kind of person that I need to be in Him! :)

Change is the only constant in this life that we live in. So lets not resist and be an agent of change! :)

Everyone is taken...

So just be yourself. Just simply be chew.

(haha..pretty cool right?!!) Something interesting I got away from my peer helpers training session in school today. But the last part is attributed to producer Willy Joe. Haha. Anyway, this is a poem shared today too. There's only the first and last paragraph because I feel these 2 paragraphs kind of sums up what I would want to tell myself when I feel lousy. (And the poem is also way way way too long. Hahas..don't have the patience to type everything out). Here goes:

I am me.

In all the world, there is no one exactly like me.
There are persons who have some parts like me,
but no one adds up exactly like me.
.
.
.
I can see, hear, feel, think, say and do.
I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive,
and to make sense and order out of the world of people
and things outside of me.
I own me, and therefore I can engineer me.
I am me and I am okay.

("I am me" by Virginia Satir)

Being who you are is a choice. And this choice lies in you. You determine how you want to behave, react and interact. You determine your life and destiny by the choices you make. No excuses. It takes a certain kind of strength and tenacity to live it out :)

Anyway..today was my first session! It was really interesting and I learnt more about self-awareness, that before I help others I must first know more about myself; my strengths and limitations. One very interesting activity we did was to link our childhood to who we are today.

Close your eyes.
Think back and recall a time in your childhood that you remember the most.
How old were you at that time?
Where were you?
What were you doing?
Who was with you?
What were you feeling at that point in time?
Do you feel happy? Sad? Angry? Disappointed?
What happened?
.
.
.
Open your eyes.
Now, draw out what you saw on a piece of paper.
Write down what you felt with regards to the picture.

There's a few more questions but I can't remember. This is my drawing:


Ok, I admit I'm not exactly an artist...Hahaha. This is a picture of a playground near my house. The girl on the swing is me and the one squatting down at the sand is my sister. The one standing by the pole is either my maid or one of the playground friends. I was pretty astonished and amazed that this is the image that came to my mind first when I closed my eyes. And the most amazing thing is that as I continued to follow on with the questions, it started to evoke a lot of feelings inside me. And I don't know what were they. Just know they make me wanna cry. But after some thoughts, I kind of conclude that it's nostalgia. Wow..what a strong sentiment. I've not experienced such feelings for so long man! So this is how nostalgia feels like...

How is it related to who I am now? Haha...maybe I don't really wanna talk about this...

Wow..I'm really amazed! What a simple activity. But so powerful. So thought-provoking. So emotions-evoking.

Standing in faith against all odds!

Batam Emerge + Reminiscence

Thought I was done with the uploading! But...found some miscellaneous photos and photos from Batam that I haven't uploaded. Hehes..how can I miss those man! Anyway, I would like to say that this is the most unconventional mission trip I've been to (not that I've been to many, but this one was really unconventional..Well, this I shall not elaborate..Hahas).

All I can say is that it was fun. Hahas.

This is crazy...Hahaha!

HAHAHA. I don't know what to say for this man. Guess this may not be funny to everyone, but I think 10 years down the road I'll still laugh as I watch this :) Superbly crazy, but I guess we all had a fun time! :) Haha!

My fake and I

You guys got to watch this. It's really funny. HAHA.
(Focus on my fake...He's gifted man!! :))

I got to obey

And obey means OBEY. And obey all the way. This is something I learnt today. If I can't obey something spoken by man, and something simple...what makes me think I will obey when God (who is invisible) speaks?

"Take initiative...and know when to do so, when not to do so...when is the right time and when is not the right time. "

"Many things you may feel like doing...but focus, focus and focus...be faithful in the little things."

I need to be more faithful. I need to be more flexible and sensitive to the dynamics of the environment and people around me. I need to be wiser.

Not easy. But I'll work on them. I'll overcome my weaknesses. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

I learnt something precious today.

Graduation steamboat + Farewell

Yay...All the photos are finally uploaded! I feel so satisfied with myself! It's like tying up the loose ends of my SOT life. Hahas :)

Went to send Kevin and Vicky off at the airport this afternoon with Mingli. We almost didn't manage to say bye to them! But thank God Sheryl gave us Kevin's number in time..so we managed to wave goodbye to them through the glass panel. Hahas. After that Mingli and I both felt very suan suan..gonna miss them man..By tomorrow all the international students from our team should be back in their own homes already...

Ok, I'm really getting very emotional. Haha. Anyway, I really really like to thank God for placing me in Team 20. Team Yisip! (20 in Korean :)) Hahas..You guys have really brought tremendous joy to my life in SOT! I ll really remember the times we had. Though we might not see each other so often already..but I thank God for the memories and the friendships forged during this time. You guys are truly one of the best people I've ever known!! And thanks for being such a blessing and gift to my life!!! :) Love you all!

Next Team 20 outing: July 08 @ Taiwan Emerge!
- Marcus

Hahah! Meanwhile, we shall all go forth and set sail into the deep to pave our own destiny..that when we meet again the next time, we shall share about the great things that God has done in our lives. Amen.

Thanks so much!!!

SOT Graduation 2007

A walk to remember

Yay! My first ever blog and my first post! Congrats to me! I never thought I would ever ever start a blog. I used to think that blogs are just not my kind of channels to express or share my thoughts and feelings..But anyway, here it is! A thought that came to me 2 weeks ago is finally conceived and now made into reality!

Anyway, today is a special day. Not just because it's the commencement date of my blog, but most importantly it's also SOT GRADUATION DAY of CLASS 2007!!! *Claps and applause!!!* Congrats to me and all my friends who walked this 4.5 months together with me! We have completed this course, beaten all odds and emerged stronger than before! We are now more equipped to accomplish the good works that God has called us to do, to pursue the call of God in our lives with greater confidence and faith!

Thank God for His grace. Thank God for His faithfulness. Thank God for God. I can never imagine how my life would be like if I did not obey the call of God 6 months ago.

"The preparations of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord." - Prov 16:1

" A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." - Prov 16:9

"The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord." - Prov 16:33

Words from the Lord as I was reading the bible that fateful day. All in just one chapter.
"Alright God..I'll surrender and shall not resist anymore." Haha...sounds very melodramatic right..but every time I think back, it's really the case! I had been resisting this idea and the possibility of me going SOT since the application opened. I had other plans. But I guess when God speaks, it pretty much changes our plans...and quite drastically. Hahas...but it's great to know that these changes will always make our lives better! And that's really awesome!

Anyway, I was really worried..because it was already the last week before the application closed. I have no idea how am I going to get so much money in such a short time and I have yet to ask my mum about it. There's all the chances in the universe that she will object, and trust me..big time. But I decided to obey and lift up my concerns and doubts to the Lord. If it's the will of God, He will open the door and provide the way if I take a step of faith...no matter how late it is. So bla bla bla..and here I am, officially graduated with a diploma in theology. Hahas...praise the Lord! And I can't believe I got an A for my overall performance..91.6%! Unbelievable! God is really good! Hahahs.

But somehow in SOT, it's really true when people say it's not really much about the theological knowledge. Yes they are definitely important! (duh~ we are in school of THEOLOGY!..hahas). But what really impacted me and strengthened my convictions are the experiences when we move in the spirit, encounters when we wait and worship in His presence, revelations planted into my heart as the Word was being taught. It's all about catching it! Not just the head knowledge!

"Some things cannot be taught. They must be caught!" No wonder discipleship and fellowship are so important. Better not despise these processes! They happen under the most natural circumstances. Haha

I will really miss all the early morning praise and worship sessions. As short as they get, they are still very powerful. I really learnt so much on the power of the sacrifice of praise. It's really not easy to wake up so early every morning, travel 1hr 15min all the way to Jurong West... just to clock in before 8.45am, crucify the lethargy of the flesh, forcing every burden and problem to the back of your mind (if there is), and finally focusing on God..who is enthroned in the praises of His people. It's difficult, but at times like these, you just got to force yourself. And when you do so, you will reap the tangible presence of God amidst all that you are feeling..and that's when you know and you know that though you don't know how it's going to happen, but things are just going to be fine because God will be fighting the battle for you.

"Faith is the substance of the things hoped for, the evidence of the things unseen." I feel so blessed! I really learnt that every morning when I come before God, it's not just praising and worshipping any being, but the almighty God! I better get my attitude right! The way I praise and worship can evidently show my attitude towards God, how I regard Him in my heart. It's a matter of discipline, a matter of decision.

And as I was praying just now, God reminded me that this may be the end of something really good...but it's also the beginning of something better! So take heart, focus, and keep working towards my purpose!

This week had been a truly eventful week. It's so long yet so short. So many things that happened in such a short span of 1 week..upheaval of emotions..not just about SOT, but also in my own personal spiritual walk. So many things I want to say..but I think I shall stop here for now...and end off by sharing what I got away from the sermon this week:

If we want to be Christians, lets be true disciples for Christ. Let's not be lukewarm Christians who contacts God only every Sunday, but lets go all the way and be passionate! Lets be on fire! It's not about what we show on the outside. They could be deceptive. Who are we trying to cheat..or impress? At the end of the day, we are not talking about things that are transient but things that are eternal. Things that concern the motives of the heart. Things that God truly cares.

Sermon on the Mount simply rocks! It's truly the greatest sermon ever preached. Extremely convicting and cuts right into the innermost of your being.

Last day of lessons (31/8/07)