Impressionism

by Claude Monet

this is what I learnt in music class today.
impressionistic paintings...
vague, elusive, surreal, ephemeral;
it captures the idea and impression of your mind at the precise moment;
it emphasizes on the vivid overall effects rather than the details;
that's what it's all about.
it leaves us to figure out every thought, emotion, and idea that is in it!
So amazing! Wonder why we learnt paintings in music class?
They belong to the same period of romantic/contemporary music!
And impressionistic music is equally fascinating!
I'm in awe of impressionistic art. :)

Worshiping You

Love this song! It's super anointed.

Take this offering that I bring
Humbly I fall on my knees
To proclaim You're everything

My life's nothing without You
Take my hand and lead me through
You are my sustaining love

I live to worship You
I live to worship You

Here I am worshiping You
With all I am worshiping You
Bowing down in spirit and truth
With lifted hands worshiping You

(bridge)
I'm gonna worship You forever
I'm gonna worship You

Gal 2:20

"...and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."

我一定能过得了我这一关。

希望的種子

By New Life Church! A very encouraging song! Enjoy! :)

and they say...

"SURPRISE!!!~"

we just look so good, don't we?

I don't know why but I really like this photo! (:

the pretty ladies I so love...

and the amazing musketeers!!

To by beloved cg, thanks for bringing so much joy and encouragement into my life! I'm impacted by all of you in so many ways! Life wouldn't have been so fulfilling without you all! Wouldn't replace you all for anything else in the world!
I <3 W309!! :)

Self-esteem in adolescence

The Looking Glass
by Jennifer Pierce

As I look at you a sense of sadness enters my mind
You look so full of despair
Watching you through my eyes
Wondering what kind of thoughts, hopes, dreams you
might come to share
I am your friend
I hope you understand
Whatever fears or worries you may have
I want to help you in whatever way I can
Why do you hate yourself so?
Hiding inside yourself
Where is the girl I used to know?
If only you had enough courage
To love yourself as you should
I know the feeling of loneliness
I wish to help you if I only could
For the girl that I am looking at
The girl so full of despair
Tho one who seems to hate herself so much
Thinking that nobody seems to care
For the girl that I am looking at
The girl that I tend to see
Is nothing but a true, reflected image
An image I call me......

Isn't this something so many people battle silently with? If you think you're alone in this, you're not.

Artdom

I was walking to the Mrt station yesterday and I saw 3 guys in navy blue pants, white shirts and striped ties. "Hi, I'm from America, I'm called Elden......"

I flashed him a professional smile and walked away. Jehovah Witness. I thought to myself: oh man, why did they come here!! I thought yishun was ulu enough (kel definitely won't hesitate to agree). And when I turned around, I vaguely spotted them approaching others in the seemingly motionless neighbourhood.

Sigh, away with you and your doctrines.

Music class has been fun! I'm really enjoying myself. I feel so alive sitting in the class listening to everything that Prof was teaching and sharing. Prof Tan is not dramatic or animated when she teaches but she's really passionate about music. And you know it because you can see her eyes shine when she teaches. Music becomes so alive in her class, even when she speaks about history and the technicalities of music. And jac and I find her extremely humorous. It's just so amazing how she can make something simple sound so hilarious - in a normal speaking voice. That's a gift. haha

A baroque piece of art titled The Horrors of War
by Peter Paul Rubens

Ain't it interesting? So ordinary on the surface yet so much to read behind every stroke, colour and texture. I like! :) Just want to immerse myself in a world of 'artdom'.

shooting it off

"We need to have some order in this place. And the order for today is chaos." - someone

Thought that was not bad huh.

I had a dream a few nights ago about someone. I woke up wondering why I dreamt about the person because I haven't interacted with the person for quite a while. I can't exactly remember the details but it wasn't a good dream. Today, I heard something about the person. I was initially shocked, then dismayed. It really saddens me to hear that, especially after all that we have spoken and shared. And I suddenly felt it was such a close reflection of my dream a few days back. How coincidental.

Life is indeed unpredictable. Urgh. Snap out of your idealism chew. This is not a utopian society.

I went for cell group at The Edge this week. The house is absolutely beautiful. My dream house went through some major upgrading after the visit that night. haha. But more than that, it was what I learnt and caught during the cgm. A very simple message: We can only do what God wants and live the life that God wants us to live ONLY with the Holy Spirit.

I'm excited because I saw cgm in another perspective. I was once again reminded that people go for cg to receive fresh manna from heaven and be transformed.

During service today, God spoke to me again about the Holy Spirit. It's the same subject for the 3rd time this week. I realize God speaks a lot to me through pictures, people and repetitions. Ptl, point taken! I think I'm starting to see something more.

For some unknown reason I've been feeling extremely tired this week. I hope next week will be more fulfilling for me.

I need to pray more. I sense a ground which I desperately have to break.

lubricating oil

The ground is getting very dry. Parched. Cracks are starting to form and the grains of sand cluttered in a disorganized fashion are beginning to swirl listlessly as the wind blows. They bumped frustratingly at each other, frowning then curtly move off in another direction to their respective destinations.

A need for a fresh flow of oil to lubricate the existing friction. Oil, not water? Yes, oil. Oil is more viscous and most importantly, it is lubricating. The oil will quench the unbearable heat and dispel the frustrations. It will cover and flow into the ground, penetrating into every grain and weaving itself within the fabric of grains till the whole land becomes filled and saturated. And then, the ground will say, "I'm ready to yield and bring forth fruits."

I/O psyc class was really boring. But this picture fell into my mind. And that was enough. :)

This is so strange because 2 weeks ago when I took the Myer-Briggs test during I/O psyc class I was ENFJ! Maybe this is not the real Myer-Briggs test, which we will definitely have to pay if we take the genuinely detailed version. Then again, I think I like who I am, whichever one it is. haha. This is so interesting!

INFP - The "Dreamer"
INFPs are introspective, private, creative and highly idealistic individuals that have a constant desire to be on a meaningful path. They are driven by their values and seek peace. Empathetic and compassionate, they want to help others and humanity as a whole. INFPs are imaginitive, artistic and often have a talent for language and writing. They can also be described as easygoing, selfless, guarded, adaptable, patient and loyal.
http://www.personalitypage.com/INFP.html

ENFJ - The "Mentor"
ENFJs are externally focused, introspective, altruistic, positive and have excellent people skills. They place utmost importance on helping others grow. They are warm and have a natural desire to be supportive and encouraging. Being charismatic and posessing excellent language skills, they do well in leadership roles. ENFJs strive to enhance the lives of their human brethren.
http://www.personalitypage.com/ENFJ.html

This is so cool! Do try it! :)

Living THE life

"where the spirit is, there is liberty."

i'm starting to see more.

my handful of seashells

So many of them, that they prick and bleed.
dropping them all. throwing them back where they belong.
goodbye! :)

urghh! Turandot's review is due this wednesday! totally forgot about it...gotta start!

SHE

There's a mad person in my house. I abhor hatred. It poisons the soul and makes the person sick. In every way.

I heard a song that moved me to tears.

That's when I love you
by Aslyn

When you have to look away
When you dont have much to say
Thats when I love you
I love you, just that way
To hear you stumble when you speak
Or see you walk with two left feet
Thats when I love you
I love you, endlessly
And when your mad cuz you lost a game
Forget Im waiting in the rain
Baby i love you,
I love you anyway
Heres my promise made tonight
You can count "on" me for life
Thats when i love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
When I love you no matter what
So when you turn to hide your eyes
Cause the movie it made you cry
Thats when I love you
I love you a little more each time
And when you cant quite match your clothes
Or when you laugh at your own jokes
Thats when I love you
I love you, more than you'll know
And when you forget that we had a date
Or that look that you get when you show up late
Baby I love you, I love you anyway
Heres my promise made tonight
You can count "on" me for life
Thats when i love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
When I love you no matter what
Thats when I love you
When nothing baby
Nothing you do could change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
When I love you no matter what
No matter what

and I pondered...

I'm really learning a lot of things these days. Or shall I say over the past few weeks? No. Over the past few months.

I don't know why. But it's been pretty much of a emotional and mental rollercoaster ride. I think it's development. Maybe it's this stage. I'm taking developmental psychology now. How apt!

I'm becoming a lot more aware of myself - who I am, what I want to become, what I want to see myself doing, my fears, my loves, the people I really care for, the people I'd like to approach and regard as my confidante, and the list goes on. I'm on this self-exploration journey through my soul, thinking and feeling a whole lot more. Sounds like an excursion ain't it? Exciting? Yes.

Maybe not.

I've been talking to a couple of people these days. I really love sharing and talking openly about things like that. It's so liberating to the soul. I can actually breathe after that! Mq, though I know you won't read this but thanks for being there! You are really rockin'. From the beginning till now. I really love you and thank God for you! :) I also spoke to Prof Tim today after my peerhelpers training. I decided to ask him some questions which had always been close to my heart. It's my first time talking to him for so long and it's really great to hear his perspectives about things that are going on in my life. I'm very blessed! Will be meeting him again on Monday. Can't wait!

I have a love-hate relationship with being 21. I love it more though. I think.

Yes I really do.

God gave me a revelation about the heart this week. Anything that we do without the heart is futile and is deemed as dead. Things stemming from head knowledge will not last cuz the heart's not there. There's no passion (fire) and love to sustain. Feelings are important. Life without feelings is meaningless. And only the heart will be able to produce feelings in us. Hence, without feelings we are likened to robots that function on the information mechanically processed through them. It's impossible for them to relate. And they can't do anything much except rely on what humans instruct them. It's important that there's a 2-way communication all the time between the heart and the mind. Just in case Mr busy steals our heart away and we forgot what we were actually feeling and loving, while our mind continues to spin and before we know we found ourselves enclosed in a forest where we can't see anything beyond the green canopy.

The great A that determines everything

I feel so challenged this week...

to live my life with a GREAT attitude
to be someone with a heart of servanthood
to be a person filled with purpose and vision
to be more faithful in the little things
to be more excellent in the things I do
to go ALL the way out for Jesus
to achieve God's best for my life
and to be a living testimony for Him
not so much by how I talk, but by how I walk.

I learnt that greatness is serving. I learnt that without a great attitude, we are nothing. I learnt that life is all about getting our attitudes right. Just like how when we seek first the kingdom of God, everything we need will be added unto us. When we get our attitudes right (toward God, people and every other thing in life), everything in our lives will fall into place. (for sure!) We will start to grow within in the area of our character and values; and externally, we will begin to become fruitful in the things we do!

And I also learnt that without the anointing of God, I can achieve nothing spectacular .

I want to live a supernatural life.

Thank You Jesus. =)

Giving is love

Today I understood that there's a difference between pride and a "pride problem". Everyone has pride but not everyone has a pride problem.

Pride is an attitude that stinks (big time!) and it's an abomination to God. Let's stay away from it and guard our hearts closely against it.

I watched Money No Enough 2 today! It was a pretty good movie speaking of an unconditional sacrifice of a mother for her sons from their conception till adulthood! How noble! It sometimes make me wonder if I would do the same if I'm a mum too. Is it innate in every mother to have such love for their children? The desire to protect and provide the best is amazingly compelling. I'm so in awe! Not that I'm unwilling or doubtful of such love and sacrifice, but the selflessness is deserving of all the admiration and praise! Love GIVES. The greatest act of love is seen by Jesus Christ when He GAVE His life for us on the cross! It's really true when they say how much we LOVE someone or something can be seen by how much we GIVE ourselves to them.

The movie also manages to paint out the various social issues faced by Singaporeans through very dramatic and realistic scenes! They voice out the inner cries of Singaporeans, both young and old. And the fact that Singapore is inching toward an ageing society makes the issue of caring for the elderly ever more pertinent. As mammon becomes more important in the eyes of people, I pray we will not forget to be compassionate to our elders whom some may not have as much ability to bring in the wealth brought in by the younger generation. It's so easy to harden our hearts once we climb higher and higher to the top and soon people will start to take things for granted and become ungrateful for the little things they receive in life. That's when unreasonable demands step in. That's human nature, unfortunately.

I pray we will always be so appreciative of things we have in life, especially the people who are positioned in our lives. It's always the relationship that matters above all things, like how relationship precedes ministry. And I really want to treasure relationships more as I grow, because it's something that is irreplaceable by anything else in the world. Without it, our hearts will become empty and that is when we become truly POOR. One takeaway from the movie is that we are not poor when we are financially inadequate. We are only poor when we realize that in our dire times, there's no one to be there for us. Or at the end of our lives, we realize that all the wealth that is accumulated has come to nothing when there is no one to share them with. Doesn't that sound like so many stories that we have heard? (one after being saved from the brink of death starts giving away their wealth and pursue the intangible things in life). Isn't sad that many people regret only after they lose a precious someone whom they previously fail to treasure but trample them under their selfish ambitions and pride?

Thank God for God. If not, living the life of compassion and with the right attitudes will be impossible. Thank you Jesus. :)

Pleasure in being different

I like writing; and I really yearn to write better. I think it's an extremely important and essential skill to possess. Just like communicating and having the ability to clearly articulate your thoughts and feelings. I truly desire to confidently communicate in a way that is unique to myself, both verbally and literally.

I was conversing with my sister last night and she shared with me something which someone once told her.

"This freedom that you have to express yourself and be who you are, don't lose it. As you move on, things are going to get tougher and it's not going to be easy to sustain."

How true. So many of us have become bounded by society's expectations on our lives that at times, we forgot who we are and what we originally set our hearts out to accomplish. The desire to conform has become so wielding that it has become a norm and people conform to the culture of conformism. It becomes a forgotten fact that everyone is unique and different on our own and it's OKAY to be different! In fact, something is seriously wrong if everyone ends up doing the same thing, speaking and behaving in the same way. That will be so boring and abnormal! Totally disturbing.

Everyone is called to do different things in life. Though there are categories of industries and professions that we will be called to work and serve in, we are still inherently different from each other. I realize that the issue that most causes people to conform and play down who they are is the fear of being rejected and be seen as the sore thumb sticking out. There is also an immense need in us to fiercely protect our identity. Concurrently, I believe there is a cry in the hearts of many today to also break free from the bondage that seem to envelope the hearts of people like a spider web. We are caged up in one way or another. And we need a key to unlock the cage and set us free, which ever area it is. There is a cry to be able to freely express ourselves for who we are and not be inhibited by how others think and see. There is massive potential and talents that have yet to be expounded; many have yet to gain the courage to break free and simply be who they are. And once we have broken free, life becomes more fulfilling and purposeful. The lives of others will also be impacted and transformed because we will be driven to live our lives to the fullest and exploit every opportunity that will draw us closer to our vision and purpose in life.

I realize that to be different is to simply be yourself, and to hold fast to the right values and vision. Let's ferociously guard this right that we have!

Let's be conversionists! Let's take pleasure in differences. Let's take pleasure in being different.

__________________________________

My trip to Hong Kong was fantastic! I'm deeply grateful for all that I've gained. God has been faithful and amazing! I prayed, "God, please let my trip be very fruitful." And it was.

The shopping was incredible. The food was fabulous. But above and beyond these were the awesome and intangible experiences and lessons I've learnt. I truly thank God for putting various people in my life who spoke to me in different ways throughout the trip. I feel I can classify my experiences into an itinerary. Haha :)

I realize God speaks to me a lot through people. Even through the most unexpected person doing the most random things! Haha. And it's really amazing. I love it! It really awakens my soul to many things, and reiterated things that God spoke to me in the past too.

And this week is the first week of school! ("Finally!..." says all the NTU and NUS people..haha.) School's not too bad. I like my modules this semester. Power-packed with social science modules. I like it because they are really interesting and fun. Looking forward to a great semester! :)

And dear Jac, I'm looking forward to our music classes too! :)

Faith that move mountains!

1 more hour! :)

I'm very very amazed by God throughout this week! I witnessed how faith and the act of actively speaking out the Word of God changes one's life today. I am deeply impacted! I wish to elaborate more and narrate what I saw and my reflections toward it. Unfortunately, I am extremely limited by the second-hand that is rapidly ticking by.

The title of my reflections will probably be FAITH and the Power of CONFESSION. Simple as it seems and some of us could have heard this concept a million times or more. But witnessing someone living out these principles brings forth yet another experience and revelation!

To be continued!... :)

Back to packing! HK here I come! Back next week!

:)

Faith

Mixing actions with faith.
Faith is seeing the invisible.
Do as you believe.
Doing while believing.

This is just but a sojourn to something unimaginably greater.

:)

I succumbed!! The desire to own it has been tugging insistently at my heart since yesterday when my eyes caught it resting daintily on the polished glass shelf. Haha.

Ain't it cute? I love the sea blue :)

And the most important pull factor is that it doesn't cause blisters!

Discover

I have sought you and you have spoken
day by day, a journey of faith
a walk in your grace
to trust you and to hold you tight

I'll hold fast to the decisions I make
knowing that you'll be faithful to deliver
even if the heart fails to keep pace with the mind
for the vision set before me
I'll keep running with joy :)

And you're right, I got to learn to differentiate dissatisfaction from frustrations. Dissatisfaction causes me to probe and hunger for more but frustrations is all about oneself having issues with expectations that are not met. And as what you said, I already know the solutions. I just need a lightning rod. Thanks S!! I'm so blessed by you :)

I'm back! :)

For your information Xh....i was NOT slacking....Just not feeling cyber-ly alive. :)

I finally ended my internship at Ernst & Young BAS last week! It was a great internship over a span of 12 weeks. It was a lovely experience and I really thank God for that. And thanks kel, for referring :) I must say that if not for the people there, the 12 weeks would have been vastly different. I'm truly blessed by the people and the experiences I gained. Paltry as some experiences may seem to be, consistently recognizing the significance of the little things in life ultimately adds up to a successful being.

Talking to people really broadens my perspective! I realized how narrow-minded I was after talking to various people about their lives, values, principles, priorities, loves, hates etc. It's rewarding because you actually find out more about yourself and brings you on a self-discovery process of what you really want in life! The part about realizing that there's so much more in life than what's in my shallow mind was initially fuzzy and speculative, but it was truly liberating and exhilarating once I set my eyes to look beyond!

I was actually quite sad on the last day when I had to bid farewell. I'm so gonna miss my colleagues because they are the ones who made my first internship so enjoyable and memorable! Then again, interns being interns, I foresee stepping into the workforce as a permanent staff is gonna be another rude awakening to what the corporate world is really like. That aside...to capture the nice and sweet moments....

A simple farewell video from Alan (fellow intern) and I:

Enjoy! :)

21st @ NYNY!

Sorry for the delay guys! Hehs..know I took a super long time...pardon me for the lousy connection and my insistence in using slide.com. Hehs...And I can't believe it...a whooping 200+ photos in one night! Some of them are really quite unglam though..hahas...

And really wanna thank everyone who was there to celebrate my birthday with me!

To W309: You guys are the best cg members I can ever ask for! Thanks for being such wonderful brothers and sisters..it's really an honor to run this race together with you all! Thanks for making me feel so loved in every way and for making a difference in my life, no matter how short or long I've known you! You guys make church so fun and enjoyable! Thanks for making my birthday so beautiful and memorable! Love you all!! :)

To Kel: My greatest and dearest leader! I know it's weird to say this now..but the same words again - I'll definitely not be who I am today without you :) You have made a huge impact in my life and it's really a great pleasure and honor to be serving God and people together with you..And truly blessed and privileged to be your disciple, member and friend. love ya!! :)

To Myrna~: My precious sister..indeed I first got to know you in Taiwan..shared the same room, the same bed, the same makeup...and laughing at each other about our *oh man!!..once again!* quiet time, not to forget our spastic and embarrassing behaviors. Hahas it was really fun with you around! And there was SOT...which really drew us a lot closer...really so thankful to be in the same team with you! You made such a great difference...we grew together, prayed for each other, and encouraged each other...and there's your infamous fishermen's friend..that never fail to save me when my head decides to submit to some funny physics law which I forgot, and oscillates in every position I dare not imagine...and there's the shoes!! Hahaha..*you know what I mean*...oh wells, you really hold a special position in my heart and I'm really thankful to have known you! Love ya girl! :)

To Sarah!: It's been an intimidating experience with you at the beginning (Tell me about it! hahas)...but thanks for believing in me all the way! And spurring me to move greater for God! Thanks for being my counselor when I used to be supremely down and out (like frequently!)..haha. Let's meet up soon for our mapo toufu! :) Love ya!! :)

And thank you Lord, for blessing me with such wonderful friends and leaders in my life..and granting me the desires of my heart..

21st @ Thai Express + BAS!

lovin' it

It's just so annoying when you meet people who constantly tries to put others down. This is a perfect epitome of a negative spirit. They simply just have nothing better to say, and their behaviour perfectly reflects the extreme insecurity within them. Sometimes you just feel like shredding their lips into a thousand pieces and throw their teeth into a burning furnace. Woohs~ God bless them :)

Putting that aside...played badminton with my cg today! It was fun...but *muscle aches*!! And God was really good today! I was blessed with free taxi ride! After I heard what you said I believe it was from Him too! Timely! Thanks zj! :)

21-day prayer is starting tomorrow! I'm really excited for it! I believe this period is gonna be a time of breakthroughs, new beginnings, greater encounters and more!!

And suddenly...

a touch from heaven...

God, thank You for this touch. It came at the right place, at the right time. It may not leave me feeling extremely certain of things, but it definitely released me of many things I've been battling with and restored my sense of direction.

Service today was fantastic. I realized that whatever we go through in life will make us more effective as a testimony to people who are also experiencing the same issues. Sometimes we may not see the impact this week, or month, or even years - but our brokenness before God is the attitude which will transform us to be power agents of transformation for Christ.

Trusting and yielding into His will is sometimes awfully challenging...but..

No regrets...

A decision made to wholly follow after You. Amen.

Thoughts of the day

Where certain things are concerned
thoughts about it are rampant
It can be a mouthful to express
A divide between fantasy and reality
Fantasy builds on the hope, expands the imagination
Reality critically lambastes them

可惜 we just have to be brutally truthful to ourselves.

D - etails

Work today was tiring! Or rather it was not so..just that the heat was unbearableee! :( It's just so balmy and scorching! But so far so good. Thank God for this internship. I really feel that I'm learning something - substantial of course, apart from the random blunders. Thank God for forgiveness and grace man. Sigh..but really got to be more D...for detailed.

Details
Determine
Destiny

Sometimes I really wonder why I always seem to face problems with the 'd' characteristics. But for the other 'd' I'm not too bothered whether I have it or not. Somehow I feel that it will naturally arise in people once they become focused and set their hearts on something they want to work on. Then again, I got to be careful not to be too hard on myself. But still...

Spirit of excellence. Work on it chew.

Shopping is liberating

That sums up my night. I'm really satisfied with my "loot". It makes me feel good. I felt a certain part of my soul is satisfied. I realize I really like shopping. But the main cause for joy comes when I finally found a pair of heels that will hurt me no more!!! Yay! Ptl! I was so afraid I couldn't find it and would have to wear something to work tomorrow which may not be allowed . Thank God for answering my prayers. No more blisters! My blisters were so bad that I had to almost limp when I walk to the office this morning :( I was seriously walking slower than an old lady. No kidding. I'm really exhilarated to have crossed paths with my miracle heels in just half an hour! And it's really perfect! :)

Battlefield of the mind

Meeting today was awesome! The presence of God was very strong and could feel the atmosphere was really fired up. Everyone was so charged up and so excited to praise and worship God. It was amazing! It really reminded me the power of praying in two or more. It really makes the difference compared to when you pray alone by yourself. Of course it is definitely essential to do our QT, just that the power of praying in group is simply awesome - the presence and the power of God just fell so easily in the place and it really facilitates you to engage faster and deeper in the spirit.

We prayed about a couple of things. But I feel that above and beyond, what really impacts me most is being renewed in the passion and possessing a breakthrough spirit. Have been feeling pretty melancholic over the past week. Troubled over certain things. A wrestle with my own will, a wrestle with God. Things I can't seem to understand. Things I hope I could look at in another perspective, not through the human eyes but through the eyes of God. Holy spirit help. I prayed. And I prayed. God spoke. In fact, through many channels at various times. But my will was stubborn. Something was happening in the spirit. Though my eyes was not open to see the truth, I could see the battle within my mind. A battlefield of the mind. There was a contest between God's will and my own. That's scary, because I can't seem to let go. I'm reluctant. But God, why must I? I don't want! It's so scary when things are uncertain. I'm just so fearful to step into something unknown. He reminded me of what I prayed. "God please change anything in me that you don't like. Uproot it from my life." Be careful of what you pray for because God is faithful to answer prayers. But hey, this is still an essential prayer man. It has been grueling. My flesh was screaming out for attention. Sometimes I just feel so weak to battle and fight against the flesh together with the stubborn and irritating voices in my head. At times so tired to even pray for strength. God give me tenacity and renew my vision. Faith tank seems to be drying up. Perseverance level is like 0.3/10. How depressing.

But God is good. He has been very very good and faithful. Even when my vision is blurred and I really don't know where I'm going, He continues to speak.

It's all about perspectives. Looking at things through God's eyes, not your own.
Walk by faith, not by sight...the just shall live by faith...
because it's all about stepping into the unknown...moving in the unknown...
seeing and believing the unknown..
Submit to God..
Resist the devil and he will flee from you..
Attitudes...relationships...
the only 2 things that you will bring to heaven..
Living your life in love...
Faith, hope and love..love is the greatest...
2 Tim 2:20-21...to be a vessel that's useful and prepared for every good work

And I learnt that passivity kills all the passion in a person. Being passive will give the devil leeway to play around with your empty mind. Always breakout of that and be bold to try something different. Quit settling with a passive mind and go for an active mind. I realized that the key is to simply stir yourself up and not succumb to any kind of compromises and the tricks the mind plays on you. We just have to keep resisting! By focusing the mind on the positive things, it takes your mind off the natural circumstances and problems. The breakthrough comes when we actually take the step to make the decision to look at things in a different perspective. What a powerful and crucial step!

Something is breaking in the spirit. Faith is once again arising. Not as stubborn to dwell in my old wineskin as before. Partially because I can't bear to wallow in my own circumstances and passivity any longer. I've been whining too long before God. Further stubbornness is only going to cost me my breakthrough. Embracing a new attitude and living life the right attitudes; loving more than I ever used to - the very things I will fix my eyes on.

Amazing grace

My parents found out. Haha. Oh wells, it's a sooner or later matter. I didn't know how to tell them. Thank God they didn't scold me, just told me to be careful next time. My mum even laughed as she described how scared she was in the car at times when I was parking the car. It was my first accident since I started driving. Thank God it wasn't so grave. Thank God it happened in the car park, not out at the roads. That would really be scary. And most importantly, thank God that I didn't have to pay. But then again, it was also pretty irresponsible of me. Then again, I really felt it was God's saving grace. At least that's what I choose to believe given that it's my first time. XX said the dent was a palm-size depression. And he saw the SUV shook. I freaked out. What should I do man! I was waiting for the driver to come knocking on my window to demand an explanation. But amazingly, the whole family who were around the car was oblivious. XX said at that split second when it happened, their backs were turned away from their car. I can't believe this! What a divine second! Any fraction of a second earlier or later would have completely changed the way things turned out. Checked my car, and it was thankfully only a light scratch. However, I guess I should not have taken advantage of their ignorance and drove away. I was feeling too panicky at that moment though. But I will learn to do what's right next time (hopefully there won't be!). And most importantly, estimate better.

Looking into the mirror

There's one spirit that I know. And that's the spirit of nuah-ness (I don't know how else to put it). This spirit clings on to me especially in times of uncertainty and challenges. Or rather, I could have unconsciously attached myself to it. It locks me up in a shell called the comfort zone where my mind becomes imprisoned to focus on the circumstances and my will becomes resigned to an overwhelming mash potato called emotionalism. This feeling may sometimes be confused as spiritual warfare, but it is simply one getting lost in the maze of their own emotions and can't think straight, up and right. The solution to it is to stir up your spirit once again and to tell yourself, "get a life and snap out of it." It's a decision that only we ourselves can make. And if we don't take any steps forward, nothing will ever change. This is such a basic yet crucial revelation! So it's about time that I fight and overcome the flesh (I hate you!) and rise up in the spirit and take ownership of my own life, because the violent shall take it by force!

And to my sis who blasted me on this..haha! Thanks so much!! Sometimes, I really need some spiritual whacks to break the stubbornness in my will.

I have another weakness. And that is the laziness and inertia to change and re-adapt. Got to change chew. Glory to glory! Amen.

Inspired :)

After reading your blog, I realize you are really strong. And I truly admire you for that. The thoughts that you penned - every word, every expression display depths which made me desire to experience and understand them myself. Your never-give-up spirit and the attitude to consistently do all things in love and be forward-looking is simply amazing. I'm inspired, and definitely impacted. You probably have experienced tons of darts and arrows to reach where you are right now. I'm inspired because you have ran and persevered in the race toward your upward call in faith, and will continue to run victoriously in boldness. Despite your perceived weaknesses, your trust in God have continued to motivate you in living out God's purpose for your life. And along the way, you have impacted so many lives around you. Though I seldom have the opportunity to talk to you now, see you in person, or even read your blog, you have created indelible footprints in my life. And I can really see you transforming countless lives in future. The impact you have will blow so many away, so much so that even you yourself will be in awe. I'm deeply provoked in my thoughts and spirit. Thank you so much! Thank you for being such a wonderful testimony for Jesus because you have impacted my life!:) And with that, thank You Jesus.

It's actually fun!

For the first time in my life, I'm looking forward to future ktv sessions. :)

Wonders of the Holy Spirit

Cell group was awesome today. Today's the first time we have it on a Friday. There was ministry and a short time of praying for each other after that. I shall blog about the short yet significant prayer session because it really impacted me. We are suppose to pray for our partner(s) whom we don't interact a lot with without asking each other for our individual needs. In other words, we are suppose to discern in the spirit and pray for each other. The last time I did it was last year in SOT! But SOT one was more "hiong" of course, which makes the process more exciting! Nonetheless, it's always good to revive something which I greatly missed.

I was initially nervous, but prayed and saw 3 words in my mind. I then prayed along the line of the 3 words and allow the holy spirit to lead. To my amazement, it was accurate! And praise God for my partner who prayed and spoke accurately into my life too! How amazing is that! I was really excited after that! The manifestations of the gifts of the holy spirit are really great testimonies of how real and tangible God is in our lives! I'm really more inspired and convicted to move more actively in the gifts of the holy spirit, because it is so easy to neglect them or even belittle the power of these gifts when the comfort of settling in the natural realm is deceitfully satisfying. This experience really reminded me that we should integrate the holy spirit in our lives. It should not be shocking to see miracles emerge out of the prayers we make. In fact, we should expect them in our everyday lives as we walk together with the holy spirit, who gives His power freely to us. We will miss out a large portion of an exciting supernatural walk with God if we were to constrain our lives to the natural realm. That will mean totally missing out on the power of the holy spirit, and losing the ability to influence and be an effective witness. I'm really inspired to understand the holy spirit better and to walk closer with him.

Bye Bye

I really really like this song - the sophistication of the lyrics, rhythm and tune. She's amazing.

Bye Bye by Mariah Carey
This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamma's, daddy's, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky
'Cos we will never say bye

As a child there were them times
I didn't get it but you kept me in line
I didn't know why you didn't show up some times
On Sunday mornings and I missed you
But I'm glad we talked through
All them grown full things separation brings
You never let me know it, you never let it show
Because you loved me and obviously
Theres so much more left so say
If you were with me today face to face

Chorus
I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
“I wish I could talk to you for awhile”
“Miss you but I try not to cry”
As time goes by
And as soon as you reached a better place
Still I’ll give the world to see your face
And we were here next to you
It feels like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye

(Bye bye bye bye bye bye) x3

Bye bye

And you never got a chance to see how good I’ve done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together
I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the Teddy Bear you gave me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
You'd make it through whatever
It’s so hard to accept the fact you’re gone forever

Chorus
I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
“I wish I could talk to you for awhile”
“Miss you but I try not to cry”
As time goes by
And as soon as you reached a better place
Still I’ll give the world to see your face
Am standing right here next to you
It feels like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye

(Bye bye bye bye bye bye) x3

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamma's, daddy's, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky
'Cos we will never say bye, bye

Chorus
I never knew I could hurt like this (I never knew it)
And everyday life goes on like (everyday of my life I wish)
“I wish I could talk to you for awhile” (I wish)
“Miss you but I try not to cry”
As time goes by (I wish, I wish, I wish as time goes by)
And as soon as you reached a better place
Still I’ll give the world to see your face
And we were here next to you
It feels like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye

(Its hard to say bye bye bye bye bye bye
So come on somebody sing it with me
Wave your hands up high
Hey hey, this if for my peoples who just lost somebody
So this is for everybody
You put your hand to the sky
'Cos we will never say bye bye)

To my precious tree

I love my tree! I really really do. I really appreciate the time you devoted last night to talk to me though you could have spend the time studying for your exams. I'm truly grateful. I feel so much better and indeed the truth sets us free. There's nothing more important than to walk in truth and love, being honest with yourself, with the people around you, and definitely with God. Fears and insecurities in our lives can sometimes act as binding forces and hinder us from becoming who we really are and what we can be in God. And as a result of that, we end up putting up a facade of ourselves and conform to the norms of our environment. We end up living a life that is not of truth, and not of faith; suppressing the inner us - our thoughts and our feelings.

So siew! Just want to say you are the best sister and friend in the world and thanks for sowing into the salvation of your fruit. Your counsel has always been precious and most importantly, you know me the best! :) Love you sis!

And I'm finally blogging again! This is a product by me to my dearest friend Xia Jiao while I was bored mugging for my exams 2 weeks ago . The wonders of a tablet PC. So Jac, to complement yours, I'm displaying this on my blog too! :)



*And you still owe me photos! :)*